Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
