My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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