Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
