Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
