that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize