i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
