so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize