I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
