I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
