i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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