I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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