Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
