I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
