i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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