she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
