ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Randomize
