It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
