to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
