ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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