The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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