I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
