Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
