so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
and she was petting her beer can
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
