That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
50% drunk capacity currently
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize