i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
wow bdsm is so cute
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
