I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
