Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
