i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So much rum. So many feels.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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