i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Sacagawea was the original milf.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
