once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
