Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
