I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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