i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
