I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
