ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
