Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
