Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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