Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize