I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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