I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize