I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
