I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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