I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
