I cannot find my penis.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
