Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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