You work out of a Hotel?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
