I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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