when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize