using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
