So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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