He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
