Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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