Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
