I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
There was a lot of him and a little penis
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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