grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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