You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize