I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
