My hair reeks of homosexuality.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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