my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
