I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
