She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
