1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
