Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize