I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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