So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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